I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
