Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
