I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
