Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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