I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
