We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
