yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The power of my boobs compel you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
