Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
