Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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