My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
