So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
