Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
