Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
