Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
