I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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