white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
