he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
