how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
