How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
