I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i believe in u and ur pee
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
