i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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