I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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