we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
