Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
