i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
