You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize