i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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