So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
