so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
