My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
