My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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