I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize