Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize