It's like God shit irony all over that family
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
