Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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