I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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