hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
