We named our party play list daddy issues
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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