I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
