remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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