Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
