Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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