I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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