I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
