i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
