I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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