i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
