WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
