I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
