I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
