you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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