I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
