Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
