He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
