I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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