I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Swine flu. Run for my life!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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