never play flip cup with pint glasses
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
