Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
