You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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