Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
