So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
