two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
