the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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