And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
