Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
