i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
