Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
