Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
