idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
