I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
