Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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