No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
