my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
